My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
