and she was petting her beer can
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
