am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
