dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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