You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
