tonight lets celebrate not being married
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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