I think I just saw someone hide a body.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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