I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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