We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh god it's open bar.
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