It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
