He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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