you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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