just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
