it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
