Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
