my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize