is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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