I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
