Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
