I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
