those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
