You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
