she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
