My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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