What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
