i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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