He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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