if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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