Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize