2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
