I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
