me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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