We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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