I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
