The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
