I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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