Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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