R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
