So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
