why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
