My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
