scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
