Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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