That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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