Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She bit a glass in half.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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