Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
