I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
