my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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