You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
