Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
