omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
