nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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