you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
