I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
