How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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