first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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