I want to make a zoo with you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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