3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
