I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
