Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
