Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
