DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You ruined the universe
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
