I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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