I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize