Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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