I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
