You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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