If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
