just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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