Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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