I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
