I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
