roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
