either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
